Sunday, August 31, 2008

Nuptial Success

It's finally over and it was a fantastic success. They are married and my official Maid of Honor/Customer Service responsibilities are officially concluded.

Gimme a beer.

I have no idea where the last 4 days went. I've been running around like a crazy person since shortly after our arrival. However, the MVP wedding award has got to go to the husband, who was literally thrown to the wolves and became the family fix it-runner-everything- man.

Never in my life did I ever imagine I'd be chopping 60 lbs of poached chicken, 15 onions, or stringing hundreds of paper cranes with crimp beads.

The whole wedding was done by the bride, groom, friends & family. It was a monstrously huge undertaking. And you know what? Seriously, we nailed it.

The hall was beautiful, the food was wonderful, the ceremony in the park was so sweet there were tears. The booze was plentiful- I myself drank the divers like on a personal mission.

I am not ready to go home tomorrow. I feel like I just got here and I've barely slowed down. No time for that, I'll slow down back in NC I guess.

Now? Off to the wineries.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Monday, August 25, 2008

24 Aug 08


23 Aug 08


Saturday, August 23, 2008

Winner

I am finally the proud owner of 10 tickets to the World Beer Festival. No one had to die and I didn't have to call anyone a cocksucker (even though I really wanted to), but what an ordeal it was.

The presale website for subscribers was down for 7 days after it was initially supposed to activate for the ticket sales- pushing off all the outlet and general admission sales.

I did finally get an email late on Thurs night that the site was up and that tickets would be available at 8am the next morning (yesterday, August 22).

At 8:02 am I was on the site and STILL COULD NOT GET IT TO WORK. I did find out at this point that you would only be allowed to by 6 tickets per user.

By 8:10 am I was on the phone with some poor schmuck at the subscribers office telling him the damn website didn't work.

"I was just on it, it worked fine."

"Well get on it again. I am on it now and the MF isn't working. This is getting really really ridiculous."

"....Oh. Yeah, Okay.. I will need to call our ticket people."

Cocksucker.

Fine. So about a half an hour later, it actually worked. Behold.

At that point it took me about 5 minutes to figure out that there system was set up to recognized IP address and limit the sales to 6 tickets each, not the users.

So I send the link to a co-worker of mine and then bought an additional 4 tickets from his computer. Then I send the instructions and the link to everyone I know who was planning on getting general or outlet sale tickets so they could get tickets presale too.

I fucking win.

22 Aug 08


Friday, August 22, 2008

Ass Bra

Wow. Okay, check this out. This is the Double-O Pushup Thong:


[Photo from lovemybubbles.com]

"A creative solution for those who want the illusion of slim and trim thighs, a tummy-tuck and a butt-lift without the use of padding."

It's an ASS BRA.

21 Aug 08

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Those "Neon-Green Dutch Bubble Shoes With Swiss-Cheese Holes"

This week at work has been so slow I'm running out of ways to entertain myself. This afternoon I ran across something that so amused me, I think I must have laughed out loud for about 10 minutes. It all started with Newsweek.com where I ran across this article:

A Croc of … Wit
Readers lash a rant against the popular rubber clog

This guy is hilarious and the people who wrote in death threats and such to him because of their bizarre croc-love are nuts.
I knew I was not alone in this worth with my severe dislike of Crocs; the mere site of them induces physically nausea and causes me to wonder if it is possible the the person wearing them is actually and therefore it's the result of some kind of chromosomal abnormality that really isn't their fault.

I didn't think I realized that not only are there lots and lots of people who dislike them as much as I do, there are at least equal numbers of people who fanatically love and defend those fluorescent foot condoms enough that this article would "inflame the passions" of countless Americans. Lying about the war, WMDs, Justice Department Firings, Domestic Wireless Warrant Tapping, etc.. barely a ripple. But Crocs?

I have actually told my husband before that if he would ever decide to wear those abominations, especially out in public, I would leave him.

Here's the original article that got the ball rolling:

Make. It. Stop. The case for ending our long national nightmare.

He's so right. If you wear this atrocities, you deserve to be made fun of.

They look like shit and they make your feet smell. And dear God, if it's cold enough that you need a fake sasquatch lining, wear shoes. And you know what? If you are over the age of 8 you look even dumber with the little charm thing shoved in the holes.

Now, thanks to my reading of this article and thus jumping over to The Best Page In The Universe, every time I see some freaktard walking around in crocs I am going to assume that they also drink Nat Light, eat corn dogs at the NASCAR track, listen to Plain White T's in their trucks that are decorated with truck balls, on their way to The Sizzler.

And all while wearing those nasty bright plastic smelly atrocities and wonder why people are staring at them like they have a swollen purple ball sack sticking out of their fly.

For your viewing pleasure, also here's I Hate Crocs Dot Com

Where you can further amuse yourself with a croc burning video and a croc cutting video and pick up a t-shirt to further support the cause:


20 Aug 08


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Bacon Martini


No. I am not kidding. Made with bacon infused vodka.




Understanding

We are quickly coming up on the start of Beer Festival Season here in NC, it will kick off this coming weekend for us with the Summertime Brews Festival in Greensboro, NC on Saturday.

October 4 of this year will be the 13th Annual World Beer Festival in Durham, NC.

150 different breweries with over 300 different types of beer at is being held this year at the Durham Bulls Athletic Park. This is the highlight of my beer festival season (some people refer to this as "fall" ~ tomato / tamato).

It's a big event here in the Triangle and a big event for the husband and I. The first year we moved here, by the time we got here tickets were already sold out. Last year, with some good friends in town for the event, not only did we attend, we reveled in it all weekend long.

Tickets sell out. Fast. For the Spring Festival in Raleigh, tickets online sold out in 4 hours.

All About Beer Magazine has offered pre-sale tickets to subscribers beginning on Aug 15. I bought a subscription strictly for this reason.

As of Aug 15 the pre-sale site for subscribers had problems and wasn't working. The message now says:

We are currently experiencing a problem with the subscriber's advanced ticket sales. We will send an e-mail to our subscribers as soon as this problem addressed and we are ready to take advanced ticket orders. We will ensure that subscribers have time to purchase online tickets in advance of the general public. Thank you for your understanding.

It has been 6 DAYS. Understanding? Let me tell you what I understand.

I understand that clearly, you fuckers are complete idiots. This is a big deal and you have totally dropped the ball. Is the entire IT department on vacation? Doesn't someone have 15-year old kid who can fix it? WTF.

So they have had to push back ALL TICKET SALES because of the pre-sale issues. Today, the outlet tickets were supposed to go on sale and then in two days the General Public tickets.

These dates are been scheduled for months. Now, everything is post-postponed until? no one knows.

I have been checking my inbox obsessively for 6 solid days about this.

We have plans, damn it. People have purchased tickets, scheduled vacation, lied to their bosses... whatever it takes.

I need TEN TICKETS mother fuckers and I better get them.

If The Liquor Fairy isn't happy, no one is happy....

and thank YOU for your understanding...

Unsexy

I am not surprised, but I am bit disgusted.

Women's Table Tennis Players have been asked to sex-up their competitive attire.

"We are trying to push the players to use skirts and also nicer shirts, not the shirts that are made for men, but ones with more curves," International Table Tennis Federation (ITTF) vice president Claude Bergeret said because the viewership for these games at the Olympics was fairly small.

This is just further misogynistic bullshit. No one has asked the Men's Table Tennis teams to bulk up and compete in speedos. If the whole point of the Olympics is to garner viewership based on the aesthetics of the athletes, fine- OWN IT.

Cancel all the un-sexy sports: archery, table tennis, badminton, shooting, etc. Require that all men compete in speedos or banana hammocks and women in bikinis or shut the fuck up.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Stoopid

Apparently, no on thought to give these yahoos a crash course in basic aeronautics before they assigned them the task of inspecting passenger jets.

Well done TSA.

19 Aug 08

Monday, August 18, 2008

18 Aug 08

17 Aug 08

Sunday, August 17, 2008

16 Aug 08

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Meant To Be

This morning we were out running errands over towards Wake Forest and stopped to grab a bite and decided since we were over there (and we will killing time until the dealership was finished with Rob's car) we'd go check out this new place that ME was telling us about called "The Tipsy Gourmet."

She had no idea what it was, whether a shop or a restaurant, but we'd all been talking about needing to check it out for weeks now, but just hadn't.

We got there and found it to be a gourmet cooking and food store. They carry lots of specialty items, the type of things I have always wondered where I would be able to find them, like exotic cooking oils and such. They also have various international food stuffs, cheeses, and teas. The have a nice wine selection (nothing too extraordinary there) but their beer selection...

Wow. I thought I was going to have a stroke. They have a fantastic selection of Micro & craft beers, a lot of west coast beers that we haven't seen here yet (like Lagunitas) and a great selection of Hefeweizens that we haven't seen outside of Germany.

Then.. I saw this:

This is Aecht Schlenkerla its a rausch bier (smoke beer). We picked this up on a whim in Germany and my uncle and I both fell in love with it. It is like no other beer I have ever had, literally it tastes like a smoke beer. After we got back I found a place on line from which I could order it, now- I found it 10 miles away! Jackpot.

Then.... I saw this...



GREEN FLASH BREWING CO. WEST COAST IPA! I have dreamt about this beer! I had it for the first time this past March at the Yard House in PHX (that Lehto later got us tossed out of) and I loved it at first sip- I think that I even told the Joe Show it was the best IPA I'd ever had.

Later this year it was named 2008 National Brewing News IPA Champion.

I am still so freaking excited.

I talked to the owner about some beers and he recommended some for me and I recommended some for him, including Sweetwater.

Seriously, it's so perfect- he's looking for info on beers... I am the Liquor Fairy... and I am looking for good beers.. it was meant to be.

In the meantime, I think I'll have another Green Flash...

Same Shitty Beer, Brand New Label!

So apparently, Coors has introduced their new "cold activated bottle" on which the mountains on the label turn from white to blue when the beer temperature gets between 47 and 43 degrees because "When drinkers choose Coors Light, they're looking for refreshment. The Cold Activated Bottle is designed to ensure that drinkers experience the coldest, most refreshing beer possible," said Andy England, chief marketing officer for Coors Brewing Company.


So if cold (i.e. 43-47 degrees) is what constitutes "refreshing," technically cool urine or dishwater if served at the same optimal temperature will be equally "refreshing," no? It has nothing to do with the actual taste of the beer?
A for effort in the turd-shining category, Coors. It'll probably work with the NASCAR crowd.
You could sell Coors Light in genie bottles and the bottom line would still be the same: the beer still sucks.

Friday, August 15, 2008

15 Aug 08


14 Aug 08


13 Aug 08


Beach Volleyball

I'm stuck watching Olympic beach volleyball. Good God, this shit is boring.

Serve. Bump. Set. Spike. Repeat.

*sigh*

They need to add something to liven this shit up.

Like bears.

Let a bear loose in the sand during the match. I think that would help considerably.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Reminder Only 133 Shopping Days Til Christmas!


ARRAGGGHH!

The first reference I have seen to Christmas so far this year. What is today? Aug 13.

Cripe.

It's on.

A Picture Worth A Thousand Insults

On the brightside, he's out of the country.

On the negative side, he's a idiot where ever he goes and what ever he does.

I'm so embarrassed.


Pic from perezhilton.com

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

12 Aug 08


11 Aug 08


10 Aug 08


09 Aug 08


08 Aug 08


Lip-Synching, Boob Jobs, Butt Enhancements, etc.

Hypocrites.

I am already sick of hearing the US media going on and on about the little girl who sang at the Olympic Opening Games- who apparently lip-synced, because it was decided that the singer did not have the "flawless image" the nation wanted to portray.

Is it shitty? Yeah. Sure. But does it warrant the outrage? I don't think so. Especially from the US news outlets. Yeah, CNN especially I am talking to you. I just got stranded on a treadmill while you guys yapped about it for half an hour.

This outrage is completely manufactured. In this country we "alter" things all the time to make them look "flawless." How many cover girls these days aren't some how "enhanced?"

Like none. Yeah. ZERO.

If it's not fake books and botox lips, it's air brushed asses. Digitally reduced arm width or thighs.

Body doubles in movies. Lip-syncing on stage. This is not a new thing. The whole Ashlee Simpson thing, and yeah, unfortunately she still has a career. The whole backlash little more than loud farts- just another thing for the media to seize on like a starved lion on a gazelle.

Keira Knightley recently straight up refused to let them digital enhance her breasts because it didn't fit that same "flawless" image that the media aspires to and deluges us with.

We, the US, set this standard and expectation, I think it's pretty hypocritical for us to criticize China for trying to live up to it in the same way we do.

So for everyone out there who's actually outraged, get off your high horse. We laid the foundation for this years ago.

What does suck is that a little girl in China with a beautiful voice was told she wasn't "pretty enough" my heart goes out to her, but no- I am not outraged, nor am I surprised.

So shut up about it already.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Grapes

I can almost, just barely possibly grasp spending $910 on a bottle of wine, maybe.

There's no way I could spend $910 on a bottle of wine.

Even if I could, it would very likely give the husband a stroke or at the very least, cause him to shit himself.

But $910 for a bunch of grapes?

Words totally fail.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Not A Team Player

Yesterday's beach trip was fairly impromptu. I had been kicking it around for the last week or so but wasn't set on it until I got out of the shower in the morning and decided I just had to get a change of scenery.

I had another partly to mostly shitty week at work. I am just so tired of it all. I it was all I could do to drag myself in on Friday, I seriously considered calling in on personal sanity day..

I did however, decided that this coming Wednesday, I am either calling off or I am leaving early. Some high up French guy is here and is wanting to do a Project Review from 4pm to 6pm on Wednesday.

First of all, I know what my projects are and I don't need to review them. If he is unaware of the current projects on the site, maybe he needs to meet with the site directors and leave the rest of us out of it. There's like 50 people schedule to be in this thing.

Then 4 to 6pm? What the fuck is that?? Considering the sheer volume of projects that the groups on the invite list are involved in, there's no way this is going to be done before 7:30pm.

And finally, no good will come of this. There's nothing he is going to do or say that is going to have any positive effect on me; he's probably going to just make me feel more hopeless and hostile. Also, there's little to no chance I am going to be able to keep my mouth shut for the duration of this little dog & pony show.

Hence, I will not be going.

Yep. Not a Team Player.

All this crap is really wearing me down- hence the beach trip. It did help, I do feel better. Haven't decided about today. I was thinking maybe brunch and then head out to the pool for the day. I should probably go to the gym, a 5 mile run would make me feel better, I am sure.

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Get out of my way - I'm going to the beach!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Chocolate Covered Bacon



Has anyone actually tried this?
Can this really be good?

07 Aug 08


06 Aug 08


05 Aug 08


04 Aug 08


Smart

Let's get this straight.

You're campaigning for Vice President with your wife of 20+ years who continues her battle with breast cancer while supporting your campaign.

And what do you do? Start sleeping with the chick producing your campaign web videos.

John Edwards

Smart.. and Classy.

The really surprising thing is that no one managed to dig this up during his Presidential run.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

03 Aug 08


Saturday, August 2, 2008

02 Aug 08


01 Aug 08



These people are waiting in line in front of the Apple Store on a Friday night because it's the tax-free weekend.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Karma

A few days ago a 44-pound cat was found in Blackwood, NJ and taken to a local shelter.

Obviously, this is not a street cat, this cat belonged to someone.

They released today that the cat's owner had recently had her house foreclosed on and had ABANDONED the cat.

What a horrible bitch. What the hell is wrong with people? I get the foreclosure was a horrible thing and maybe she couldn't keep him, but she could have taken him to a shelter. Come on.

She put him out on the street. How long can a 44-pound cat possibly survive? I mean seriously, it's a house cat- who's obviously never hunted or had to put much work into finding food.

What a piece of shit. Let's hope what they say is true: what goes around comes around.