I recently changed baby doctors and the new practice was really hell bent on me taking a tour of the birthing center at the hospital I am scheduled to give birth in.
This does not sound like a good time to me. This sounds like more worthless baby-nazi driven bullshit. I mean it's not like you go take a tour of the surgical suites at a hospital you are scheduled for a bypass or colonoscopy in. So WTF?
Fine, fine, fine. I relented. So the husband and I got signed up for this past Monday.
We there and get told we have to watch a 30 min video on childbirth. I ask if it's mandatory and I can opt out. This was for a couple of reasons.
First of all, I have read and studied up on childbirth. I know what is supposed to happen, why, and a good deal about common things that go wrong. I do not need to see it in up close an personal, why? Cause it doesn't really matter, I'm signed up- I can't really back out now. So why expose myself to the visual trauma.
Second, this is a general population class. Which means it is going to be geared towards the dumbest person in the room and while I may not be a doctor, I find shit like that insulting and a waste of my time.
Both of these are the reasons I am not taking "birthing classes." (Tangent: women have been giving birth of thousands or millions of years depending on your school of thought. We know more than we ever have about it. What can I really get out of a birthing class that I can't learn through research on my own? I mean shit, this is basic biology not rocket science or mysticism).
The old battle-ax of a nurse was pushy about it and I was tired of arguing with her so we just went in.
The first 15 minutes of the video explained what the uterus, cervix, pelvis, placenta, etc. was and what they did.
Seriously. I am in the least pregnant chick in the room. Are you telling me that you people have gotten this far and don't know what a uterus is? Apparently so.
The second 15 minutes went through the stages of labor and your possible emotional state. Also fucking useless. Please, tell me people don't get to 7-8 months pregnant (most people in the class were) and haven't read a book about basic childbirth and the stages of labor.
As far as the emotional state? It's going to suck. I get that. It's going to be painful. I'm going to be pissed off and misrable like never before. Check. Then there's this concerned women's voice saying, "at this stage you may feel like you want to give up.." give up? What a fucking stupid thing to say. It's not like you are 15 hours into labor and you get to opt out pack up your shit and leave.
The whole fucking this was ridiculous and stupid. I probably didn't need the visual reminder to stick in my head either.
Husband had a great comment: "I wonder how much that had to pay that lady to film her completely naked as she gave birth.. she didn't even have like a shirt on or anything over her breasts."
This was amusing as hell to me! Seriously, I imagine after 15 hours of labor you are going to have to not have your pants on anyway and if there's already a camera pointed at your vag you aren't going to give have a shit if your tits are out and flopping.
The actual tour of the hospital (with the exception of getting to see a couple of brand new babies in the nursery) was also stupid. I can follow signs. It's not like I care what the room looks like when I am in labor.
I found out you can only have 3 people in the birthing room other than your support person. Only? Good God, what are you going to invite your book club?
There is Internet access in both the birthing room and post-pardom room. I guess that is useful knowledge.
We were broken down into small groups of 6 couples for the tours. I looked around the rest of my tour and realized we were the weird ones. All the rest of them (most were my age or older, and one chick was maybe 25ish) looked wide eyed and emotional.. clinging to their husbands and obviously exicted. I got the impression they were all looking at this as an emotional or spiritual thing. Rob & I are coming at this like biology. I was completely out of my element.
So here's what I have come up with. They need to have separate birthing classing and birthing tours for professionals. At least make them useful by filtering our the ridiculous bullshit.
Let's just assume everyone in the class has a basic knowledge of anatomy and biology. Don't waste my time with projected emotional response.
Or just hand me a hospital floor layout drawing and a process flow diagram of childbirth and we are good to go.
Thursday Funday
1 hour ago
6 comments:
Sweetheart, OMG!!! You haven't a clue!! It is emotional! and you do need to be excited, because this is the good stuff you need to look forward to, otherwise you are going to be very disappointed not only now but all through your child's life. They spit up on you, pee on you, give you there boogers, shit on you and then after you deal with all of that, then later they tell you they hate you and your the biggest bitch in the world. Love and emotion is all that you got or will ever have. So prepare now! People are not stupid if they do not exactly know every detail about how birth is done or what the medical terms are for each body part. (99% of couples need this class, men just stick there penis in and don't really know much of anything about birth or care at the sex moment in time) If your not fuzzy now, wait until you get up at 2:00 in the morning, with little tiny, screaming at the top of his lungs, wanting a bottle or a tit, shit all in his little onesy and spilled all out over the crib sheets and then you and only you, (not Rob) will have to change the sheets, bathe the baby, feed him , and get him back to sleep. Then maybe you will get a 30 minute nap before you get up to go to work. Emotion is all you got, sweetie. Good Luck.
While I don't have the background, I don't think I am clueless. I understand all of that and expect all of that and I know that it is an emotional experience, but the driving for behind crying, getting shit & peed on etc is biological period and has nothing to do with someone's point of view or emotional take on someone else's journey. Also, I think you are underestimating Rob's involvemnet with this child, I think people who know him well would give him more credit than that. I don't cut anyone slack, him included and I know better to think its always going to be me. Rob has never rolled like that. I am making an educated decision to opt out of birthing classes (it doesn't make any difference to me if ROb knows what is going on during birthing or not, he's not the one doing it). Childing rearing/infant care is completely differfent.
Who was that first poster and can I get some meds to fight whatever they are suffering from?
You.......clueless.....seriously?
Meanwhile on to more pressing concerns. Do they have "Tailgating" facilites where concerned friends can gather in a parking lot and drink to the Baby's, Mother's, and Father's health?
Air Traffic Mike
P.S. - Some RV hookups would really be nice too.
:)
Take Rob on the journey with you. If you do not go to classes together, then at least let him in the birthing room with you. It will mean so much to him later and you too. Atm- Do you know all the medical terms for the female body parts? And I know you well, you already need meds. Lots of them!
I fully expect Rob to go through the birth with me. Just because he isn't actually doing it doesn't mean he can't be there. (I will however deny access to the birthing room to anyone and everyone other than him.) He's always been my support and I am going to need him then more than ever. Above and beyond that- I would never deny him one moment with or relatated to his son.
ATM- Tailgating? That's brilliant! So much better than sitting around the waiting room! I wish I had thought to ask that on the tour!
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