WHEN TO GO

I really never though much about maternity leave until recently. It's just one of those things, you have a baby you go out on maternity leave.

I decided that I was going to plan to take the whole 12 weeks. I figure that if I schedule the whole thing it will be there if I need it and in the case I get restless and want to go back early, then no big deal- my boss is going to have no problem with that either way, the option is always there.

Now, I am struggling with the issue of when to start maternity.

My original plan was to just work until I go into labor. My biggest work project was going to be gearing down around that time and I knew it would make me crazy to walk away from it before I had to (i.e. going into labor).

But things have worked out a bit ahead of schedule and its looking like that might all be done, locked down, and the P.O. issued by the end of this week.

Initially, I figured if I could see it to the end point I would have a mentally easier time walking away and based on this the husband and I talked about me going ahead and starting maternity this coming Monday, Oct 26 (3 days before my due date).

My boss is on board, I talked to him about it a couple days ago, he said he'd feel better if I wasn't at work when my water broke. I kinda suspected that I am starting to make the people around me a little nervous. Every morning they look surprised to see me. Monday's when I walk down the main hall, it to a chorus of "Your still here?"

Doing anything these days is difficult. My joints ache, my body hurts, my foot is still swollen and jacked up, so I can't walk very well and I am still limping. It's difficult to sit, stand, lay, whatever.. but that said, it's no more uncomfortable to be at work than at home these days.

But this morning on the way to work, I realized I absolutely hate the idea of being stuck alone in the house for who knows how many days just waiting to go into labor.

I despise it actually.

...and so, I have no idea what to do.

If the baby would just decide to show up between now and Friday I guess that would make that decision for me (however, I am no longer hoping for an early arrival- I got the H1N1 shot yesterday and the longer he incubates the better his immunity will be).

So really? It's not like I've got the option to bail on work and go enjoy myself, because that's not the case. I can't do anything, I can't go anywhere, and I really can't even relax.

Sitting around uncomfortable by myself as opposed to dragging myself to work which is just as uncomfortable but slightly more difficult seems to be a push at best.

I got nothing.. I never thought this would be such a difficult decision.